Unfinished Words

After a long day of surgery, I had sat down to blog about the day's events and to update everyone.  However, due to very little sleep the night before, the 4 1/2 hour surgery, the visitors, the curled-up-in-a-ball-on-the-bathroom-floor, sobbing, barely breathing mess that I was the moment I knew my child was being cut in half, and the surge of emotion when my child awoke and said, "Mommy, hug me", I was simply too tired to finish and I stopped mid blog.  Seeing that I hadn't finished, I was just about to delete this post but decided to re-read it first.  These reflections, so raw, cannot be recreated however unfinished my words were.  Never do I want to forget what the Lord has done.  So, here it is...

One thing God has spoken,

two things have I heard:

that you, O God, are STRONG,

and that you, O Lord, are LOVING.

Psalm 62:11-12

For someone who usually has so much to say, for once, I am simply speechless.  There are simply no audible words that can translate the sentiments deep within my spirit, tucked deep within the very core of me.  We have felt the consuming fire of the Lord.  We have been shaken to the point that what cannot be shaken is all that remains.  We have been kept safe in the cleft of the rock; have soared on wings like eagles.  We have fallen prostate before Him; have begged Him to take this cup from us. 


But, that was not His will. 

The Word of God has spoken and we will never be the same.  Never.  We are now on the other side, exhausted and exhilarated all at once.  Our first born will now find the healing that can only come through brokeness. 

And, he will never be the same.

When Jacob awoke from his sleep, he thought,

"Surely the Lord is in this place, and I was not aware of it."

(Genesis 28:16)