Well, the planning and preparing have come to an end and the big day will begin in 5 short hours. All week, tears have brimmed the surface and spilled out at the most unexpected times. I've waved people off who tried to talk about "it". With one look at my scrunched up, I'm-about-to-cry face, they have kindly understood. With every step that brought us closer to here...dropping Micah off, saying goodbye to classmates, leaving our house, hugging Eli one last time...the knot in my stomach tightened. I can testify that walking by faith is not always easy, especially when your children are involved. But, my hope remains set on knowing the pain has a purpose.
With all the heaviness that this looming day has had upon us, I'm so thankful that tonight there has been such a lightness that could only come from God above. We have laughed until we cried, acted silly and watched our boy in wide-eyed fascination like we hadn't in years.
In all His infinite wisdom, the Lord knew that there was no better medicine than to have Jacob spend the night with his best friend, John, the night before his surgery. Best friends since 3 months old, this boy loves my boy more than anything else. They have been wrapped up in their own little world and shared a night full of Chuck E. Cheese and swimming. We've watched his little feet dance, run in a hamster wheel, pedal, flip, kick and run with such painful realization that, come tomorrow, they will be painfully still.
I had thought I'd be spending the night holding him tight while he slept and I silently cried. Instead, he's with John, and his mom (my best friend) just texted me this message:
Jacob and John have not stopped creating or talking! They haven't even turned on the tv. John just said, "Jacob, you're like my brother, not in birth, but like in love." Jacob said, "So are you saying you love me?"
No better medicine.
John had big plans to crawl up into the hospital bed with Jacob after surgery and has a bag of games that he packed, ready for them to play. I'm not so sure that will be happening but the love that the bag represents is priceless to me.
Everything about this day has been perfect. I couldn't ask for anything more. My child feels so loved by so many. He knows you are praying. He knows that Jesus is with him. He is ready for that next step, as broken as it may be. His brokeness will lead to complete healing. His crooked path will lead to a straight path. The pain has a purpose. Oh, God, please be near him.